Thoughts on Catholicism

Every student needs a teacher. I would like to take this time to introduce you to one of my teachers. His name is Stephen Colbert. He has so graciously furnished me with a book in which he shares all of his thoughts, feelings, and essential truths that he lives by. From time to time, I would like to re - post some of his greater lessons. *WARNING* If you are offended by joking, satire, or general humor, please LIGHTEN UP!

The Great Colbert, on the Roman Catholic Church
(Stephen Colbert's views do not necessarily represent my views on any or all subject matter. All punctuation and capitalization styles are the original intent of the author).

Jesus founded only One Church and it wasn't Unitarian. He took His apostle Simon and made him into a rock and built a church on him. It's called "the Holy Roman Catholic and Apostolic Church," or "Church" for short.

Catholics have many advantages over other Christians. One is marble. For the buck I put into the collection plate, I want some production value. that means a church, not some community center that doubles as a basketball court.

Also, Catholics have saints -- more than 10,000 of them. They're like God's customer service reps, and each of them has a specialty. Say you lose your wallet. You could bother the Creator to help you find it, but if your Catholic, you don't have to. Just pray to St. Anthony. Finding lost things is all he does. For Eternity. Also, there are times when you might want to pray to St. Agatha. She's the patron saint of nursing and bell -making. If you're both a nurse and a bell - maker, that's one - stop shopping.

Some are put off by the labyrinthine structure of Catholic dogma, but many of its rituals are quite beautiful, and not just when edited together as a tense, poetic counterpoint to brutal Mafia films.

But maybe you're not ready to be a Roman Catholic. Well, as the saying goes, "There are many roads to God." Some are just more twisty than others. So if you want to get a little needless exercise, why don't you try one of these Goat Paths to Nowhere?